


[Kodzuken] has changed group chat name to [i am the ball buster irl do not test me]

by SpiritBloodDragon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aobajousai, F/M, Group chat, Karasuno, M/M, Memes, Minecraft, Nekoma, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Shiratorizawa, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is STUPID, Video & Computer Games, You Should Have Come to Shiratorizawa, chatfic, heavily ooc but damn if i don't find it funny, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26221981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritBloodDragon/pseuds/SpiritBloodDragon
Summary: god of fat schmeat: can't turn this boneR to liquid, too powerful for you tobio-chanmilk not meth addict: i will murder you~~~A chat room is opened for the use of many, many volleyball players. Of course, Hinata forgets that his friends are very different people outside of volleyball sometimes.This'll go perfectly.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 108





	1. the competition of coochie

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Professionalism not Included](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12298326) by [zFzL4](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zFzL4/pseuds/zFzL4). 



> ngl i initially intended for this to be a quarantine fic but i was like nah that restricts me so this is just a normal gc
> 
> "normal"

**Hinata Shouyou has opened group chat [hi guys!!!!].**

**Hinata has added [Kageyama Tobio, Nishinoya Yuu, Kozume Kenma, Sawamura Daichi, Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei, and 5 others].**

Hinata: hi everyone!!! how are you guys??

Kozume Kenma: hey shouyou. doing good.

Kozume Kenma: wait why are you up so early

Hinata: cause! i wake up super early so i can get a little practice in!

Hinata: why are you up kenma?

Kozume Kenma: i got back into minecraft

Kozume Kenma: wait hold on a minute shou

**User [Kozume Kenma] has changed their name to [Kodzuken]**

Kodzuken: better

Kodzuken: well i hope you have fun practicing shou

Hinata: thank you kenma!!! :D

Hinata: grrrr!

Kageyama Tobio: boke! why’d you make a damn group chat and why did you give me so many damn messages?!

**User [Hinata Shouyou] has changed [Kageyama Tobio]’s name to [angry setter boi]**

angry setter boi: answer my question hinata boke!

Sawamura Daichi: Why are you all doing this.

Hinata: because we’re at training camp silly!!! and i wanted to stay in contact with all of you guys!!! :)

Nishinoya Yuu: OH SWEET A GC

Tanaka Ryuunosuke: OH YEAH NOYAAA

**[Sugawara Koushi] has changed [Tanaka Ryuunosuke]’s name to [4k baldi’s basics]**

**[Sugawara Koushi] has changed [Nishinoya Yuu]’s name to [rolling thunder]**

Sugawara Koushi: that’s better!

Sugawara Koushi: wait what do i hear about minecraft, kenma?

Kodzuken: oh i’m playing rn if you have it

Sawamura Daichi: Do you actually play, Suga?

rolling thunder: rolLING THUNDAAAAAAAAA

4k baldi’s basics: yall have minecraft?

Hinata: ooh ooh ooh!!! natsu got minecraft on my computer like a month ago!!! i don’t know how to play though T~T

Tsukishima Kei: you really thought it was a good idea to do this…

**[angry setter boi] changed [Tsukishima Kei]’s name to [super bitch]**

Sawamura Daichi: Did you really have to do that?

Sugawara Koushi: it’s true though

**[4k baldi’s basics] has changed their name to [king of coochie snatching]**

rolling thunder: BAHAHAHAHAHA

Yamaguchi Tadashi: jesus christ tsukishima’s gonna break from that holy crap i see him right next to me

Yamaguchi Tadashi: OH WAIT FU eusucjWHCUjJeucuJWJEJ

king of coochie snatching: [sent a picture with caption]

nobody: yamaguchi:

rolling thunder: my fucking lungs

Sugawara Koushi: god DAMN it i had that one saved

king of coochie snatching: nah bro this is mine now

Sugawara Koushi: [sent a picture]

  


**[Sawamura Daichi] changed the group chat name to [i will murder you all]**

Sugawara Koushi: kinky

king of coochie snatching: kinky

rolling thunder: kinky

**[Sawamura Daichi] has left [i will murder you all]**

**[Kodzuken] has added [Kuroo Tetsurou]**

Kuroo Tetsurou: ight who’s ass is getting slapped first

Kodzuken: quiet down now i know damn well from tsukishima that you’re the bottom

super bitch: i mean…

Yamaguchi Tadashi: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Kodzuken: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Hinata: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

angry setter boi: ok who the FUCK let you do that

Hinata: oh kenma’s been teaching me about more internet stuff so that i could “get the references we’d make in the gc”!

**[Kuroo Tetsurou] has changed [Hinata Shouyou]’s name to [catnip]**

Kodzuken: you know what i’m not even mad yeah i top what’s up

super bitch: when the fook did this happen again?

king of coochie snatching: FOOK

rolling thunder: _wheeze_

**[Lev] has connected to [i will murder you all]**

Lev: kenmaaaaa let me join your minecraft wooorld

Kodzuken: you are an offense to my mere existence

Catnip: kenma that’s mean! >:(

Catnip: also can i join?

Kodzuken: the fact that lev exists is mean in itself

Yamaguchi Tadashi: oh hold on here

**[Yamaguchi Tadashi] has changed their name to [ya ma booty]**

ya ma booty: what’s this about a minecraft world i’m hearin

Kodzuken: i’ll invite you guys

* * *

Kodzuken: shouyou i swear to every god whether it’s egyptian, greek or anything modern that i will absolutely slaughter you if you take my diamonds

Catnip: YOU CANT STOP ME IM OUTTA HERE

ya ma booty: [sent a picture]

  


Kodzuken: shouyou i have 15 dogs and i’m thinking they’re getting pretty hungry

Sugawara Koushi: well damn we’re all fully asian here other than lev so i think i’m gon get hungry

**[king of coochie snatching] has changed [Sugawara Koushi]’s name to [yo with all due respect wtf]**

Catnip: noooo! don’t eat the puppies!!!

Kodzuken: just for taking my diamonds i’ll kill them myself

Catnip: [sent a picture]

  
  


Asahi Azumane: kenma for the love of fuck 1v1 me i will send you to the nether with my custom diamond sword

Kodzuken: weak ass diamond user lmao i got netherite

Asahi Azumane: ok but is your netherite sword named “deliverer of cock and ball torture” nah i don’t think so

rolling thunder: J E S U S F U C K A S A H I

**[Kodzuken] has changed group chat name to [i am the ball buster irl do not test me]**

**[Asahi Azumane] has changed [Kodzuken]’s name to [i gOt nEtHeRiTe lookin ass]**

i gOt nEtHeRiTe lookin ass: i s2g i will escape from nekoma's room just to murder you

Kuroo Tetsurou: as if you don’t even wanna go out so this break period is literally perfect for you

i gOt nEtHeRiTe lookin ass: and yet you still don’t wanna talk about the time you stole daichi’s sandwich

**[Sawamura Daichi] has connected to [i am the ball buster irl do not test me]**

Sawamura Daichi: Someone called?

Kuroo Tetsurou: NO NOBODY CALLED I SWEAR

i gOt nEtHeRiTe lookin ass: kuroo stole your sandwich that one time at training camp

Sawamura Daichi: Kuroo. Listen very closely. [sent a picture]

**[Sawamura Daichi] has disconnected from [i am the ball buster irl do not test me]**

Kuroo Tetsurou: KENMA WHY

i gOt nEtHeRiTe lookin ass: cause you annoy me

Kuroo Tetsurou: FUCK

**[Kuroo Tetsurou] has disconnected from [i am the ball buster irl do not test me]**

Asahi Azumane: where were we again?

Catnip: we were playing minecraft and kenma was about to kill the poor puppies! :(((

rolling thunder: should we worry about kuroo?

king of coochie snatching: nah not at all bro

king of coochie snatching: yo should we add some other people to this gc if nekoma and karasuno are already mixing?

Catnip: i’ll do that later once everyone’s gotten like settled in!

**[Catnip] has changed [i gOt nEtHeRiTe lookin ass]’s name to [kenmaaa!!!]**

**[kenmaaa!!!] has changed [Asahi Azumane]’s name to [wimp]**

wimp: coward

**[Oikawa Tooru] has connected to [i am rhe ball buster irl do not test me]**

Oikawa Tooru: can’t bust the balls if i suck them all

**[kenmaaa!!!] has disconnected from [i am the ball buster irl do not test me]**

Catnip: omg he’s cackling at it too hard he dropped his phone

angry setter boi: i’m going to fucking puke why are you here

Oikawa Tooru: shrimpy added me duh

angry setter boi: i will turn your bones to liquid if you stay here

**[Oikawa Tooru] has changed their name to [god of fat schmeat]**

**[Oikawa Tooru] has changed [angry setter boi]’s name to [milk not meth addict]**

god of fat schmeat: can’t turn this boneR to liquid, too powerful for you tobio-chan

Milk not meth addict: i will murder you

**[kenmaaa!!!] has connected to [i am the ball buster irl do not test me]**

kenmaaa!!!: lemme get back to minecraft holy crap

god of fat schmeat: lemme join kozume

kenmaaa!!!: bet

king of coochie snatching: yo what’s this pretty boy fuckhead doing here?

god of fat schmeat: getting more than you duh

king of coochie snatching: fuck it i’ll 1v1 you in minecraft hunger games and we’ll see then who wins more

kenmaaa!!!: lemme load up a server

ya ma booty: i got five bucks on tanaka

Catnip: i bet their computers crash!

wimp: yall both suck but bet i’ll watch

super bitch: this is gonna be the worst

rolling thunder: depends on your definition of worst saltyshima

super bitch: this is it

kenmaaa!!!: meh


	2. an age old argument

**[Catnip] has changed group chat name to [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

kenmaaa!!!: shouyou what’s up

**[milk not meth addict] has connected to [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

kenmaaa!!!: ok i’ve decided this is not gonna be a good question

milk not meth addict: HOT DOGS ARE FUCKING SANDWICHES YOU GODDAMN IDIOT

**[kenmaaa!!!] has changed [milk not meth addict]’s name to [an actual fucking imbecile]**

kenmaaa!!!: what the fuck did you just say that i had to read

an actual fucking imbecile: THEY ARE FUCKING SANDWICHES

kenmaaa!!!: there is not a single universe in an infinite multiverse where you are correct. take back what you said

ya ma booty: [sent a picture]

  
  
  
  


Catnip: yamaguchi do you actually think they’re sandwiches???

ya ma booty: well duh, they’re clearly sandwiches

super bitch: yamaguchi, you are my best friend in the whole world.

super bitch: but you are wrong.

an actual fucking imbecile: HA SEE YAMAGUCHI GETS IT

Catnip: why would they ever be sandwiches?!

**[king of coochie snatching] connected to [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

king of coochie snatching: hot dogs are not sandwiches. kageyama, yamaguchi, i’m fucking telling daichi about this.

kenmaaa!!!: finally someone actually on the side of justice here

super bitch: thank fuck

**[yo with all due respect wtf] has connected to [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

yo with all due respect wtf: WUDUAIAOFJ tanaka just got his ass 30 laps after practice

ya ma booty: SEE

king of coochie snatching: I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THAT HE HAS THE WRONG OPINION

Catnip: i can’t believe that i’m on a team with a captain who thinks hot dogs are sandwiches! >:[

**[Sawamura Daichi] has connected to [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

Sawamura Daichi: There is literally no reason that a hot dog is not a sandwich. Case closed.

yo with all due respect wtf: DAICHI THE CASE IS SO NOT GODDAMN CLOSED YOU BEST SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

Sawamura Daichi: suga with all due respect you did not want me to shut my “whore mouth” last night

king of coochie snatching: EW EW EW EW WTF

an actual fucking imbecile: oh my god this is where i commit suicide by jumping off a building

kenmaaa!!!: do a flip

super bitch: take pics

super bitch: wait what in the love of fuck did i read

Catnip: you know maybe kageyama has a good point in dying cause i cannot wait to forget all of that

rolling thunder: if there’s no hope get the rope

wimp: daichi how wrong can you be?

Sawamura Daichi: It is literally a piece of food between some bread. It’s a sandwich.

yo with all due respect wtf: then why the cuckolding duck cock are hot dogs not under sandwiches in restaurants

rolling thunder: cuckolding duck cock???

**[Kuroo Tetsurou] has connected to [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

Kuroo Tetsurou: my god you being on the team is exactly what you didn’t make it to nationals yet

kenmaaa!!!: i think this is decidedly why Nekoma is better than Karasuno

super bitch: yeah i think it might be

kenmaaa!!!: gay

super bitch: oh really i didn’t know, thank u for the insight

Sawamura Daichi: You are all incorrect except Yamaguchi and Kageyama.

Catnip: nooooo!

yo with all due respect wtf: there is no reality where ur right daichi

Sawamura Daichi: They’re sandwiches.

king of coochie snatching: this isn’t a fuckin game daichi works

kenmaaa!!!: yeah not even the villains in my game think that hot dogs are sandwiches, that’s some hitler level shit

Kuroo Tetsurou: says the guy who asked me to watch happy tree friends

kenmaaa!!!: [sent a picture]

  


rolling thunder: i literally just googled happy tree friends and it looks pretty normal???

king of coochie snatching: yeah this seems fine, kuroo wtf are u on?

Kuroo Tetsurou: YOU DON’T GET IT

super bitch: kuroo i knew you were a softie but this scared you???

ya ma booty: my fuckin god tsuki what the fuck did he do to snatch you

rolling thunder: smh

* * *

rolling thunder: I WAS SO FUCKING WRONG

king of coochie snatching: MY FUCKING GOD DOES THAT GUY HAVE PTSD?????

Kuroo Tetsurou: i told you.

kenmaaa!!!: don’t make me bring up the smurfs.

Kuroo Tetsurou: HEY

* * *

**[Kiyoko Shimizu] has connected to [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

Kiyoko Shimizu: would anyone want to tell me why there’s suddenly a massive pink dildo in my locker?

**[rolling thunder] has disconnected from [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

**[king of coochie snatching] has disconnected from [GUYS I HAVE A QUESTION]**

Kiyoko Shimizu: great they’re gone

Kiyoko Shimizu: anyways

Kiyoko Shimizu: hot dogs aren’t sandwiches.

Sawamura Daichi: Incorrect.

**[Kiyoko Shimizu] has changed group chat name to** **[i’ll be transferring to nekoma]**

yo with all due respect wtf: fuck it i might do it too

**[god of fat schmeat] has connected to [i’ll be transferring to nekoma]**

god of fat schmeat: join aoba johsai iwa-chan doesn’t agree and he’s wrong because he thinks they’re sandwiches

Catnip: don’t we have a practice match against aoba-johsai soon?

Sawamura Daichi: Yes, in a few hours. Why are you even texting, Hinata? I know your ass hasn’t gotten over 12% in any of your classes.

Catnip: hey!!! i’m doing good in french!!!

kenmaaa!!!: you’re taking french?

Catnip: i know it already!!! it seemed like an easy class so i just wanted to have a class that i could ace! it’s my highest grade!

Sawamura Daichi: I feel like I should tell Takeda-sensei just because of that.

**[Kiyoko Shimizu] has changed [Sawamura Daichi]’s name to [punk ass snitch]**

**[punk ass snitch] has changed [Kiyoko Shimizu]’s name to [hurdle tripper]**

hurdle tripper: OKAY NOW YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR IT’S NOT MY FAULT MY ACL GOT FUCKED

**[hurdle tripper] has disconnected from [i’ll be transferring to nekoma]**

**[punk ass snitch] has disconnected from [i’ll be transferring to nekoma]**

god of fat schmeat: wait shrimpy why do you even know french?

Catnip: i like french food and cooking it was cool so i thought the language was cool!

kenmaaa!!!: france is lame

Catnip: :(

god of fat schmeat: uh oh is this couple drama? couldn’t be me ^~^

**[Bokuto Koutarou] has connected to [i’ll be transferring to nekoma]**

Bokuto Koutarou: hot dogs are sandwiches no doubt

Catnip: THATS IT

**[Catnip] has disconnected from [i’ll be transferring to nekoma]**

Bokuto Koutarou: coward

Kuroo Tetsurou: this is how u enter the group chat? by being wrong?

**[Bokuto Koutarou] has changed their name to [i will spike the volleyball into ur urethra]**

**[i will spike the volleyball into ur urethra] has changed [Kuroo Tetsurou]’s name to [wide urethra]**

* * *

Catnip: DAICHI’S GOING TO KILL ME

**[kenmaaa!!!] has turned on voice chat**

punk ass snitch: STOP ARGUING WITH AOBA JOHSAI’S TEAM

Catnip: BUT THEYRE RIGHT

god of fat schmeat: NO THEY ARE NOT, I WANNA GO TO NEKOMA WHERE HOT DOGS ARE NOT SANDWICHES

kenmaaa!!!: wait we’re still on this argument?

super bitch: since when have we ever gotten over any topic ever?

kenmaaa!!!: good point

kenmaaa!!!: so do we just let them die or do we do something?

super bitch: not like you can really do anything about it

kenmaaa!!!: wait what are u even doing?

super bitch: you think i’m gonna get into their brawl?

kenmaaa!!!: good point. oh btw can u make sure shou doesn’t die?

super bitch: no promises

kenmaaa!!!: good enough

Catnip: KENMA I THOUGHT YOU LOVUNWJAUDYEKW

king of coochie snatching: AH FUCK MY COOCHIE IS ABOUT TO BE SNATCHED

god of fat schmeat: [sent a picture]

  


kenmaaa!!!: ok thats fucking good

wide urethra: this is why we’re gonna win against karasuno

rolling thunder: my GOD why is that your username

kenmaaa!!!: die.

punk ass snitch: OIKAWA I KNOW YOUR FLAT ASS HAVING ASS IS NOT TRYING TO GUARD THE WRONG SIDE

god of fat schmeat: tell me that when you can beat our team in a real match

i will spike the volleyball into ur urethra: imagine not making it to nationals

god of fat schmeat: WELL I WOULD HAVE MADE IT IF THERE WASN’T A WALL OF STRAIGHT FUCKIN LEFT ARM CANNON IN THE WAY

Catnip: ok u do not get to say that with your serves

an actual fucking imbecile: u almost punched me there’s a little more of a problem there

kenmaaa!!!: wait wait wait

kenmaaa!!!: you’re telling me that almost everyone on aoba johsai believes that hot dogs are sandwiches?

kenmaaa!!!: well that’s fucking obvious why you guys keep losing to shiratorizawa

god of fat schmeat: well i didn’t know that my team was this wrong about everything on this earth

hurdle tripper: TANAKA I SWEAR IF YOU TRY TO GRAB THAT MAN’S NUTS

king of coochie snatching: BUT HE TRIED TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOU

hurdle tripper: tanaka ryuunosuke.

kenmaaa!!!: looks like he’s not getting any tonight

Catnip: he’s not getting any for the rest of his life if he keeps this up

king of coochie snatching: HINATA i thought u were on my side

rolling thunder: nah bro you’re on your own for this one

yo with all due respect wtf: wait tanaka why were you aiming for his nuts?

yo with all due respect wtf: [sent a picture]

  


kenmaaa!!!: i swear i will murder all of you one of these days

Catnip: you love us!!!

kenmaaa!!!: don’t hold your breath


	3. among us

**[kenmaaa!!!] has changed group chat name to [among us time fuckheads]**

**[Catnip] has added Three (3) people to [among us time fuckheads]**

**[Akaashi Keiji] has connected to [among us time fuckheads]**

**[Terushima Yuuji] has connected to [among us time fuckheads]**

**[Ushijima Wakatoshi] has connected to [among us time fuckheads]**

Ushijima Wakatoshi: Oikawa.

god of fat schmeat: I SWEAR ON MY LIFE

Ushijima Wakatoshi: You should have come to Shiratorizawa.

Ushijima Wakatoshi: Also, Hinata, why on earth would you add me to a group chat?

Catnip: because we’re playing among us and i was wondering if you’d be interested!!!

god of fat schmeat: as if shrimpy, ushiwaka’s a bitch

Ushijima Wakatoshi: Fuck it, I’m in. When are we playing?

god of fat schmeat: i’m teal btw

Ushijima Wakatoshi: [sent a picture]

  


god of fat schmeat: [sent a picture]

  


kenmaaa!!!: anyways

kenmaaa!!!: akaashi are you playing or nah

Akaashi Keiji: I guess?

Terushima Yuuji: my god stop using caps it’s annoying

**[wide urethra] has connected to [among us time fuckheads]**

wide urethra: i’m hearing a competitive game that kenma can’t automatically crush us at?

kenmaaa!!!: it doesn’t matter if i can’t crush you skill wise

kenmaaa!!!: it’s your morale that’ll plummet

Catnip: so we have 6 people now!!! who else are we inviting?

**[ya ma booty] has connected to [among us time fuckheads]**

kenmaaa!!!: speak of the devil

ya ma booty: yo i haven’t actually played among us yet but i heard about it

Catnip: oh that’s okay!!! we can have like a practice round to get everyone like familiar with the game!!!

ya ma booty: is it cool if i add yachi here?

kenmaaa!!!: go for it

**[ya ma booty] has added [Yachi Hitoka] to [among us time fuckheads]**

Terushima Yuuji: wait is the manager that i tried to pick up that one time?

Catnip: no she’s a new manager! :D

ya ma booty: and also my girlfriend

Yachi Hitoka: uhh

Yachi Hitoka: what’s among us?

kenmaaa!!!: we’ll explain

kenmaaa!!!: shou can you like find the other people and change the gc names i hate seeing normal names imma load the server up

Catnip: :D

Akaashi Keiji: Is it fine if we change our own names?

ya ma booty: yep

**[Terushima Yuuji] has changed their name to [atomic cumshot]**

**[Akaashi Keiji] has changed their name to [Akaashi]**

  
  


**[Ushijima Wakatoshi] has changed their name to [you wonder how my left arm got so strong?]**

**[Yachi Hitoka] has changed their name to [blondie]**

Akaashi: I feel like I don’t want to know but I’m too late, aren’t I?

atomic cumshot: hold on that’s too boring

**[atomic cumshot] has changed [Akaashi]’s name to [hot]**

hot: and why is this?

atomic cumshot: cause you’re hot???

you wonder how my left arm got so strong?: I agree with that.

you wonder how my left arm got so strong?: oh btw it’s excessive masturbation

**[god of fat schmeat] has disconnected from [among us time fuckheads]**

you wonder how my left arm got so strong?: Oikawa cannot be a god if he can’t handle that. smh

**[god of fat schmeat] has connected to [among us time fuckheads]**

**[god of fat schmeat] has changed [you wonder how my left arm got so strong?]’s name to [just too much]**

god of fat schmeat: why? why would anyone need to know that? why me?

wide urethra: my god how did you become a top 3 ace

just too much: Did i not just explain?

just too much: Also oikawa i don’t know. Why wouldn’t people need to know that?

atomic cumshot: touché

blondie: who else are we playing with hinata?

Catnip: I got it!!!

**[king of coochie snatching] has connected to [among us time fuckheads]**

**[super bitch] has connected to [among us time fuckheads]**

super bitch: i am literally only doing this because i have nothing else to do

wide urethra: tsuki i caught you nutting to dinosaur porn you have literally no room to talk about not doing something out of boredom

king of coochie snatching: i’ll be real chief

king of coochie snatching: [sent a picture]

  


super bitch: dude you have no reason to get into my kinks i don’t even know how many times i thought about drinking bleach from hearing you talk about kiyoko

ya ma booty: tsuki you’re literally only saying that because you got caught and nothing else

blondie: exactly

super bitch: shut mouth

wide urethra: uh oh he’s hit that point where he’ll literally be illiterate because he doesn’t wanna admit he’s wrong

super bitch: shumt

wide urethra: see?

kenmaaa!!!: ight i’m ready i’ll put in the code real quick

* * *

kenmaaa!!!: code is vagina

wide urethra: no fucking way

kenmaaa!!!: type it in i’m fucking telling you

Catnip: omg it actually worked!

blondie: man i guess mine is powerful enough to reach the videogame world

ya ma booty: it’s true

king of coochie snatching: BRO I DON’T WANNA HEAR THIS BAHAHAHA

god of fat schmeat: dude it won’t let me get in

just too much: It’s working fine for me

hot: Oikawa just restart it real quick

god of fat schmeat: nvm i got it

atomic cumshot: ight are we all in?

super bitch: well i would be if SOMEONE DIDN’T TAKE YELLOW

kenmaaa!!!: fine but u owe me five bucks

super bitch: not worth it

kenmaaa!!!: ight i guess i’ll start it

super bitch: okay fine where the fuck do i pay

kenmaaa!!!: im streaming rn just donate there or somethin

* * *

kenmaaa!!!: tsukishima has officially simped for me

wide urethra: not surprised ngl

* * *

wide urethra: ok so how do you play this game?

kenmaaa!!!: don’t talk mid-round dude, you’re wasting my air

* * *

Catnnip: ok so basically if you’re a crewmate you can like move around the map and do tasks and you have to figure out who the imposter is!!!

ya ma booty: u can pull up the map by pressing tab, and some tasks have like visual cues so you can show that you’re not the imposter to others

wide urethra: and if you’re the imposter?

kenmaaa!!!: basically u just have to sabotage and murder everyone without being caught

wide urethra: cool

wide urethra: ok so i know that someone’s dead and we should be discussing who it is and all that shit

wide urethra: but i got a question

king of coochie snatching: what

wide urethra: so is there any reason that mine and yamaguchi’s name is red or is it just like a partnership

ya ma booty: smh

wide urethra: what?

wide urethra: OKAY HOW DID YOU FUCKING FIND OUT THAT I WAS THE IMPOSTER I DIDN’T EVEN KILL ANYONE

atomic cumshot: it is a literal miracle that you’re still like considered a genius or some shit

god of fat schmeat: ushijima why’d u vote for kenma?

just too much: he seemed sus to me at the start of the round but i guess there’s no reason to debate now.

blondie: you got any last words yamaguchi?

ya ma booty: kuroo you bring dishonor to everything this game means

kenmaaa!!!: you guys all realize that your names are all just “player” right like none of you changed it

god of fat schmeat: yours is literally your streamer name

wide urethra: i can’t believe this is a big enough issue to complain about

ya ma booty: i can’t believe that we’re not playing another round rn

super bitch: and i can’t believe that you two prefer the bottom

ya ma booty: first off i didn’t need to be called out like that

ya ma booty: secondly i just like the bottom because i don’t like too much movement

blondie: ok even u know that’s a lie

* * *

blondie: JESUS FUCK HINATA IS THE DAMN IMPOSTER

Catnip: no im not!!! i can do trash to prove it!!!

kenmaaa!!!: fine i’ll fuckin watch

ya ma booty: ok but that doesn’t change the fact that tsukishima is dead in storage and you’re in storage

wide urethra: you are hella sus chibi-chan

king of coochie snatching: watch he’s boutta say “i was in vent” or something

Catnip: wait was i not supposed to be?

kenmaaa!!!: …

wide urethra: …

blondie: …

ya ma booty: hinata i thought you played this before

Catnip: but i’ve never played as impostor before!!! how was i supposed to know? :(

super bitch: every day, i feel like i should just be impressed with how stupid you are sometimes

* * *

wide urethra: KENMA I SWEAR IF YOU KILL ME

kenmaaa!!!: dude im literally in admin right now wtf are u talking about

wide urethra: oh that was pink following me

king of coochie snatching: no fucking shit sherlock i’m trying to get you to watch me do trash

wide urethra: no fucking way am i listening to a guy who’s player name is coochie man

god of fat schmeat; and yet u listen to someone who’s username is penis sniffer

blondie: that’s cause i have manners unlike tanaka

wide urethra: FUCK

wide urethra: EMERGENCY MEETING

kenmaaa!!!: what now

wide urethra: I DO NOT WANNA GO INTO ELECTRICAL

kenmaaa!!!: boo hoo

atomic cumshot: dude fuck it i’ll vote for you

wide urethra: [sent a picture]

  


wide urethra: FUCK I GOT DISCONNECTED SENDING THAT

super bitch: sucks to suck

wide urethra: fine i just won’t suck you

kenmaaa!!!: jfc flirt outside of here or something

super bitch: did anyone else realize that akaashi’s been deadly silent this whole time?

hot: there is no reason for me to talk right now

king of coochie snatching: SUS

* * *

atomic cumshot: so ushijima just killed right yamaguchi right in front if me

just too much: you know that’s a goddamn lie at this point. get fucked.

Catnip: wait wait wait isn’t terushima cleared?

kenmaaa!!!: visual tasks are off so idk

blondie: well you could just both be impostors

god of fat schmeat: i’m almost convinced it’s ushijima, he been hella sus

just too much: fine, but you’re gonna regret it when two imposters are left and they cause the reactor to melt.

* * *

atomic cumshot: so

atomic cumshot: truce?

blondie: get fucked terushima

* * *

kenmaaa!!!: so my chat’s saying it’s u hinata

Catnip: no!!!

wide urethra: aint that cheating

kenmaaa!!!: it’s not like any of you are streaming to actually make what say meaningful

kenmaaa!!!: oh fuck yeah mr krabs someone donated me 80 bucks to flash a nipple

king of coochie snatching: do you actually do that shit

kenmaaa!!!: as if but i guess anyone can have simps nowadays

atomic cumshot: i mean i simped for futakuchi because he gave me five bucks to

kenmaaa!!!: case in point

* * *

just too much: oikawa i swear if you try to kill me i will not hesitate to make you suck on these fat nuts of mine

god of fat schmeat: YOU ARE LITERALLY IN YOUR DORMS YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING

just too much: i’m behind my quota. i haven’t beaten you up in several days.

Catnip: no beating up of anyone!!!

just too much: i’ll beat you up too hinata

* * *

just too much: going to kenma is cheating.

wide urethra: so why didn’t kenma protect me from daichi?

Catnip: just be with someone scarier than the person you messed with!!!

kenmaaa!!!: i am not a scary person. shush shou

wide urethra: can confirm

ya ma booty: so we’re just gon forget the field trip to tokyo and seeing that one guy bump into hinata?

kenmaaa!!!: that guy deserved it and you know it.

blondie: wait is this the one where tanaka and nishinoya caused the three fire hydrants to go off?

Catnip: yeah!

wide urethra: WAIT WHY DID I NOT HEAR OF THIS

kenmaaa!!!: they convinced asahi to put something in front of it so that it’d spew even more than it normally did if i’m not mistaken

super bitch: it is a fuckin miracle that they didn’t get arrested

just too much: ok but what did kenma do exactly?

Catnip: im pretty sure the guy quit his job because kenma humiliated him so badly

kenmaaa!!!: hold on shou he still deserved it

blondie: HE LEFT JAPAN BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH SHADE HE GOT

kenmaaa!!!: he tried to get in the way of the sun, and burnt for it

wide urethra: calm your nuts there socrates

kenmaaa!!!: socrates wouldn’t even dare have contact with you

super bitch: so when did you befriend a serial killer?

wide urethra: no idea

Akaashi: so are we just gonna ignore how kenma is able to ruin someone’s life like that?

Catnip: yep!

king of coochie snatching: bet   
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo what other things should they go through?


End file.
